I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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