I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
