I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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