I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
