Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
