i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
