Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
