Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
