so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize