I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
