and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
