We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
