you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize