I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
