Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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