I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
