So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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