OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Who died my cat blue again?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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