ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Couch. On fire.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
