If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize