Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
