Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
