Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
