Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are the jesus of drinking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
