so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
