Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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