You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
