It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
