...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
