At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
