My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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