They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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