Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
