She is in my trunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How's work?
Spinning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
