I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
