Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
