I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
