I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
