I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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