Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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