Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
