If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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