What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
