Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
