It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
