no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
