My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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