the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
