I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
