In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize