enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
