It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He felt like a one man threesome
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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