big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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