He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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