Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
