Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
