I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Porn is love you can see.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
