what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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