can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
