i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize