i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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