1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
