I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
