and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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