I want to walk on stilts...naked
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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