Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
