Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
